For Those 30 Minutes of Blissful Abandon

2010
09.26

Recently Updated

At the crack of dawn everyday, for little over a month I hear the patter of tiny feet down the hall. Moments later, I see faint light from the hall slip in through the ajar bedroom door  and  the silhouette of my little boy Nish at the doorjamb with his wild mop of curly hair standing against the light. He gently slides in. Like a cat his darting deep black eyes glow in the dark. He spends a few seconds deciding on which side of the bed to crawl in from. He mostly chooses the side his dad lies on. Roy mumbles in his sleep as he helps Nish climb across and snuggle in between us. He stretches out his hand and instinctively hugs his wife and son as we nuzzle closer to him. My boys immediately fall back to sleep and their rhythmic gentle snores sync in harmony. I sniffle Nish’s sour morning breath and my maternal heart shrugs with the familiar ache. I’m overwhelmed with strange euphoria.

Nish has been an independent child mostly. Form day one he has slept all by himself in a crib and ever since he turned 2, he sleeps in his own room. So last month when he crawled into bed with us for the first time I let it slide. He’s an early riser and I assumed he had come over to wake us up. But in a few days when this had become a habit I began to notice that he was falling back to sleep the moment he snuck in. There were fleeting moments of doubt when I wondered about the propriety of this routine. I’ve seen red alerts on co-sleeping in plenty of childcare books and you know how my antennae go pretty cuckoo with reception from these bibles. But, unlike before I dismissed these qualms without a second thought.  Because very much unlike before, this time I was high. High on this strange medley of emotions I’ve never felt in all 34 years of my life.

A month of this ritual and now I’ve turned myself into a full blown emotional junkie trudging through the whole 9 yards of intox and detox. Every morning at around 5:45 I stir awake hoping to hear the heartwarming patter down the hall. I get restless if there are no signs of his coming and lie depressed wondering if he could have outgrown his endearing habit. Other days I awake to find him already beside us and I struggle hard to  ease my fervor.  There is usually only less than 30 minutes of sleep time left before the alarm goes off at 6:30 and we need to begin our respective days. Every day I wish I could play God and hold that big needle form moving. I know it can’t be done. I know this is temporary. I know I’m addicted to this safe haven. I know he’ll grow up. I know I’ll have to struggle through deprivation. But for now, I feel much peace, quiet and well being. And I’m going to nestle under those covers for as long as I can.

A Simple Dal For Idlis

IMG_8631This simple dal with shallots, ginger and tomatoes, is what I call the soul mate for idlis. I know idlis are officially married to sambars and no doubt they make a handsome pair. But according to me their divine, spiritual and natural love totally lies in this dal ;)[read more]

 

 

 

 

 Mixed Sprouts and Potatoes in Coconut Gravy

IMG_8580 Since I’ve already written about how I sprout my legumes early on and also droned about all the nutrition they provide in that same post, I shall hit straight to the recipe here[read more]

3 Responses to “For Those 30 Minutes of Blissful Abandon”

  1. sujatha says:

    Julie, this post really tugs at the heart strings. Unlike your son, my daughter has never slept in her cib, since day 1. I knocked myself out, much of the first year bending over backwards, putting her to sleep on a bouncer, rocking it at all odd times of the night, waking up for feeds and so on. She’d have her kohl lined big eyes wide open intently browsing dimly lit parts of the room. After battling this out for about 8 months, I finally brought her to our bed and from then on we’ve both slept much better. Now the gentle rhythm of her breathing next to me, I cannot do without. I am very reluctant to train her to sleep by herself. I always ask myself – How much longer can I enjoy this? Many theories abound on these topics. Every family, every household has their own thing going for them, there’s no right or wrong. Enjoy the morning magic while it lasts!

    • julie says:

      sree/sujatha,

      it is ironic how as our lil ones grow independent, we seem to be getting more dependent on them…time – that’s our biggest enemy :(!

      -J

  2. Sree says:

    hi Julie.. yes this writing about your son resonates with me.. how I love the cuddle time with my daughters.. they are 4 and 6, and I know this won’t last long.. I just love to see them curled up in bed next to each other.. sometimes when their dad is out of town they have a ‘sleepover’ in mommy’s bed for a treat.. but it’s really a happiness for their mommy more than for them 🙂

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